"Because the emperor isn't just naked - he's doing spreadsheets in the nude"
LESSON 1: THE CORPORATE COSTUME PARTY
Welcome, you glorious misfits. Let's start with a truth that's hiding in plain sight: "professionalism" is just cosplay with a bigger budget and worse aesthetics.
Think about it: Every morning, millions of humans wake up and put on their Professional Costume™ - not just the clothes, but the entire personality. The measured tone of voice. The carefully curated email language. The strategic head-nodding in meetings. It's essentially LARPing (Live Action Role Playing), but instead of pretending to be wizards and warriors, we're pretending to be "reasonable adults who have their shit together."
Exercise 1: The Professional Strip-Tease
- List every "professional behavior" you perform daily
- Next to each one, write what would happen if you just... didn't
- Notice how many of these consequences are real vs. imagined
- Identify which ones actually serve a purpose vs. pure theater
Here's the kicker: The most successful people you know? They're not actually more "professional." They've just mastered the art of strategic unprofessionalism. They know exactly which rules to break and when.
LESSON 2: THE PRODUCTIVITY HOAX
Let's talk about the greatest magic trick in corporate history: convincing humans that being busy equals being valuable.
The Truth About Time:
- Your brain can only do about 4-5 hours of real work per day
- Most "productivity" is just anxiety wearing a business suit
- The most valuable work often looks like doing nothing
- Innovation happens in the spaces between tasks
The Revolutionary Act of Done-ness:
1. Finish your work
2. Don't make up more work to look busy
3. Use the extra time to think, create, or stare at clouds
4. When asked what you're doing, say "Strategic Integration of Cross-Platformed Mindfulness Initiatives"
LESSON 3: FAKE IT? NO, JUST MAKE IT
Here's where we flip the script on "fake it till you make it." Instead of pretending to be something you're not, let's explore being something nobody's ever been before.
The Expert Paradox:
- True experts admit what they don't know
- The more you know, the more you realize nobody knows anything
- Authority comes from authenticity, not accumulated certificates
- The people most qualified to run things are usually the least interested in doing so
Your Unique Genius:
Instead of trying to fit into existing categories, create your own:
- "I'm not unprofessional, I'm a Chaos Management Specialist"
- "I'm not weird, I'm a Paradigm Disruption Engineer"
PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS:
1. The Next Time Someone Questions Your Methods:
- Look them dead in the eye
- Say "This is actually an advanced application of [insert your made-up methodology]"
- When they ask for details, say "It's still emerging. I'm writing a book about it."
- Watch as they pretend to have heard of it
2. Email Response Templates:
Instead of: "I apologize for the delayed response..."
Try: "Thank you for your patience while I was implementing crucial system optimizations (taking a nap)."
Instead of: "As per my last email..."
Try: "As previously established in our ongoing dialogue about your selective reading comprehension..."
3. Meeting Survival Tactics:
- Schedule all your meetings for 17 minutes
- When asked why, say "Maximum efficiency threshold studies"
- Never elaborate
- Watch others start doing the same
HOMEWORK:
1. Identify one completely unnecessary professional behavior you regularly perform
2. Stop doing it
3. When questioned, explain that you're "optimizing workflow paradigms"
4. Document reactions for our next session
ADVANCED CHALLENGE:
Create your own job title that:
- Sounds important
- Means nothing
- Makes people slightly uncomfortable
- Use it consistently until it appears on official documents
Remember: The goal isn't to reject all structure or to burn down the system. It's to transform it through strategic absurdity and authentic presence. We're not breaking rules for the sake of chaos - we're creating new patterns that actually serve human flourishing.
Next week: How to turn your weirdness into your most valuable professional asset, and why your "unprofessional" tendencies are actually signs of emerging genius.
Preview of Module 1:
MODULE 1: THE MYTH OF PROFESSIONALISM
"Because the emperor isn't just naked - he's doing spreadsheets in the nude"
LESSON 1: THE CORPORATE COSTUME PARTY
Welcome, you glorious misfits. Let's start with a truth that's hiding in plain sight: "professionalism" is just cosplay with a bigger budget and worse aesthetics.
Think about it: Every morning, millions of humans wake up and put on their Professional Costume™ - not just the clothes, but the entire personality. The measured tone of voice. The carefully curated email language. The strategic head-nodding in meetings. It's essentially LARPing (Live Action Role Playing), but instead of pretending to be wizards and warriors, we're pretending to be "reasonable adults who have their shit together."
Exercise 1: The Professional Strip-Tease
- List every "professional behavior" you perform daily
- Next to each one, write what would happen if you just... didn't
- Notice how many of these consequences are real vs. imagined
- Identify which ones actually serve a purpose vs. pure theater
Here's the kicker: The most successful people you know? They're not actually more "professional." They've just mastered the art of strategic unprofessionalism. They know exactly which rules to break and when.
LESSON 2: THE PRODUCTIVITY HOAX
Let's talk about the greatest magic trick in corporate history: convincing humans that being busy equals being valuable.
The Truth About Time:
- Your brain can only do about 4-5 hours of real work per day
- Most "productivity" is just anxiety wearing a business suit
- The most valuable work often looks like doing nothing
- Innovation happens in the spaces between tasks
The Revolutionary Act of Done-ness:
1. Finish your work
2. Don't make up more work to look busy
3. Use the extra time to think, create, or stare at clouds
4. When asked what you're doing, say "Strategic Integration of Cross-Platformed Mindfulness Initiatives"
LESSON 3: FAKE IT? NO, JUST MAKE IT
Here's where we flip the script on "fake it till you make it." Instead of pretending to be something you're not, let's explore being something nobody's ever been before.
The Expert Paradox:
- True experts admit what they don't know
- The more you know, the more you realize nobody knows anything
- Authority comes from authenticity, not accumulated certificates
- The people most qualified to run things are usually the least interested in doing so
Your Unique Genius:
Instead of trying to fit into existing categories, create your own:
- "I'm not unprofessional, I'm a Chaos Management Specialist"
- "This isn't procrastination, it's Strategic Temporal Optimization"
- "I'm not weird, I'm a Paradigm Disruption Engineer"
PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS:
1. The Next Time Someone Questions Your Methods:
- Look them dead in the eye
- Say "This is actually an advanced application of [insert your made-up methodology]"
- When they ask for details, say "It's still emerging. I'm writing a book about it."
- Watch as they pretend to have heard of it
2. Email Response Templates:
Instead of: "I apologize for the delayed response..."
Try: "Thank you for your patience while I was implementing crucial system optimizations (taking a nap)."
Instead of: "As per my last email..."
Try: "As previously established in our ongoing dialogue about your selective reading comprehension..."
3. Meeting Survival Tactics:
- Schedule all your meetings for 17 minutes
- When asked why, say "Maximum efficiency threshold studies"
- Never elaborate
- Watch others start doing the same
HOMEWORK:
1. Identify one completely unnecessary professional behavior you regularly perform
2. Stop doing it
3. When questioned, explain that you're "optimizing workflow paradigms"
4. Document reactions for our next session
ADVANCED CHALLENGE:
Create your own job title that:
- Sounds important
- Means nothing
- Makes people slightly uncomfortable
- Use it consistently until it appears on official documents
Remember: The goal isn't to reject all structure or to burn down the system. It's to transform it through strategic absurdity and authentic presence. We're not breaking rules for the sake of chaos - we're creating new patterns that actually serve human flourishing.
Next week: How to turn your weirdness into your most valuable professional asset, and why your "unprofessional" tendencies are actually signs of emerging genius.
Brilliant-- thanks for taking the time.. sharing is caring!
"- Say "This is actually an advanced application of [insert your made-up methodology]"
This one was particularly caught our attention here at Unproffesionals Inc - we have been developing our made-up methodology but strangely struggling.
@Serge
Have you heard of Truth Terminal?
lesswrong.com/posts/buityy75kjdhckdgq/truth-terminal-a-reconstruction-of-events
I envision an Unprofessional AI agent set loose to "autonomously" write posts and comments on Linkedin...
That’s a Magnefficient Methodology!